Sunday, 23 July 2017

Metal health : My thoughts

I think mental health issues needs to be token more seriously , and people need to be more cautious and aware how they talk to , and treat people with any mental health issues its like I always say you give someone an inch they take a mile , and all it takes is one wrong word or just being careless , and not thinking before you say something you could never know the affect it could put on that person and no there isn't enough treatment options for people with mental health issues and they don't get the support or help they need , and that's why a lot people with mental health issues drink or use drugs to help them cope with there symptoms , and people should stop judging others and be there for them , and it makes me sick to read other bloggers mentioning the crisis line the crisis line does not have the resources , help , and support that most people with mental health issues need in most cases the people on the crisis line aren't educated or even know how to help someone with mental health issues only a person that is suffering them selves or educated could help a person with mental health issues or could even understand the best thing a person can do is hear and listen you can't even imagine what others maybe going through and why they react or act the way they do people need to stop talking and start listening so they can even some what understand mental health is not taken seriously and people don't take it as serious as they should intill it's to late just remember someone can be here one day , and gone the next don't ever take any one for granted in this world I've noticed more and more how selfish and careless people have become , and it makes me sick to be honest I want others to read this , and acknowledge things they don't acknowledge anymore in this day and age people are so desensitized , careless , and selfish , and hope things , and people change.

Wednesday, 12 July 2017

Innocent surrey shooting victim

CBC News is reporting on a innocent 64 year old woman from Ontario The woman was in a minivan with several others when gunfire erupted between two vehicles near 147A Street and 77 Avenue around 3:30 p.m.
Her shoulder was grazed by a bullet. No one else was hurt.
Here is the link to the story :
http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/surrey-bystander-shot-1.4198797



Tuesday, 11 July 2017

I will not have others tell me how to run my blog

This is my blog and i will say what i want when i want and i will speak the truth and tell the truth and facts ... post coming soon...

Friday, 7 July 2017

To: Surrey RCMP

                       Surrey RCMP :
Change your logo from Serve and Protect to :

                    Serve and Dismiss 

The Real Meaning of “To Serve and Protect” ... They believe the oath “To Serve and Dismissmeans more than a slogan on a shield or the side of a patrol car.



Tuesday, 4 July 2017

First Nations woman dies after being hit by trailer hitch thrown from passing car in Thunder Bay, Ont.

CBC News is reporting on :

First Nations woman dies after being hit by trailer hitch thrown from passing car in Thunder Bay Ontario 


Here is the link to that story :
http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/thunder-bay/trailer-hitch-death-1.4189426

The passenger in the car yelled, "Oh, I got one," after throwing the hitch at the sisters who were walking on McKenzie Street between Dease and Cameron streets, Melissa Kentner told CBC News in February.
The internal damage when Kentner was hit in the kidneys by the hitch was irreparable and proved fatal, her sister said.

An escalation of violence

"There is an escalation of violence in this city and we must not minimize these horrible situations," said Nishnawbe Aski Nation Deputy Grand Chief Anna Betty Achneepineskum in a statement on Tuesday afternoon. 
"A young Indigenous mother died today, and a young girl is without her mother — this should not happen."
Brayden Bushy, 18, was charged with aggravated assault relating to the incident. Thunder Bay police told CBC News they are looking into whether the charges will be changed, in light of Kentner's death.


Emotional detachment

Emotional Detachment: Surviving Ongoing Abusive Relationships

Emotionally detaching from an abusive relationship can be extremely difficult. Many men and women believe they still care and even love their abusive friends , and even family. Therefore, developing indifference and detaching from their abusers even when they’re a consistent source of pain seems antithetical.
Nevertheless, learning to detach is vital if you ever hope to regain your health, happiness, sanity and sense of Self. This also applies to people who have distance themselves , and ignored their abusive friend or family member but have to maintain some degree of contact because of manipulation , and guilt.
Emotionally detaching requires that you change many of your attitudes, beliefs and behaviors. Detaching is not about enabling your abuser; it’s about disarming your abuser by eradicating hes ability to hurt you. It’s not about changing your behavior so that you don’t trigger your friend or family member in fact if you successfully detach it will probably provoke him to become even nastier and controlling for a while.
When your friend or family member takes an ugly turn into consistent abuse and other controlling behaviors, attaching your self-worth to how they treat you and placing all your effort into them and the relationship guarantees exploitation and self-destruction. For your psychological survival in this kind of relationship, you need to develop and feel indifference and emotional detachment.
Before you can begin to detach, you need to accept the following:
Love does not conquer all. What you’re experiencing in your relationship probably isn’t love; it’s a distorted, twisted version of it.
You can’t fix or rescue someone from being abusive, sick, dysfunctional and lost in their own highly distorted reality. In fact, trying to rescue an abuser particularly if they are a borderline personality, a narcissist, a histrionic or a sociopath is akin to trying to rescue a drowning person who’s crying for help and then holds you under water until you begin to drown. The more you try to rescue them, the more they’ll drag you under.
You give your abusive friend or family member the power to hurt you.
You can survive and thrive without your abusive relationship. You don’t need him. You had a life before this person and eventually you’ll have a much better life  without this toxic person in your life you see this happen with friends , and family and even in relationships 
You’re not responsible for your friends or family members happiness, failures, shortcomings or bad behaviors.
The person who you want your friend or family member to be is in conflict with the person hes outlook on reality is distorted , and one sided 
Continuing to hope for the best from someone who consistently gives you the worst is a set up for more pain and disillusionment.
You are not helpless, powerless and incompetent. The relationship with your abusive friend or family member causes you to feel that way, which is why it’s often so difficult to take care of yourself and break free.
There’s no shame in admitting that you need to walk away from a relationship that’s destructive and toxic. It’s vital that you begin to develop a rational perspective and distance yourself from an ongoing hurtful relationship that you can neither control nor change. Many people remain in abusive relationships with people well beyond a point of personal pain and devastation that defies reason. You need to come back to your senses and see your friend or family for who he really is like i always say actions speak louder then words.

Here are some detachment techniques:
 
Make yourself solely responsible for your own well-being and happiness. Catch yourself when you begin to utter, “If only he could , If only he would and knock it off. Coulda, woulda, shoulda is the language of regret and pipe dreams. Keeping you in a beaten down and depressive state makes it easier for an abuser to control you. Feline predators don’t target the swiftest and strongest impala in the herd; the one with the limp usually becomes lion lunch. Take back the control you gave them over your feelings, happiness and well-being and start meeting your own needs by making different choices and acting on them.

Accept that you can’t fix, change, rescue, save, make someone else happy or love someone enough to make them be nice to you. Don’t just pay lip service to this. Really wrap your brain around the fact that no matter what you do, it will never be good enough. Understand that no matter how much you do for them; they’ll always expect and demand more. Acknowledge that the more you appease, compromise and forgo your own needs; the more entitled, demanding and ungrateful they’ll be: you’re throwing good energy after bad with no victory or end in sight.
Eliminate the hooks of your abuser. A hook is typically an emotional, psychological or physical stake that you have in the other person and the relationship. For example, GUILT is a big hook that keeps many men and women in abusive relationships with destructive narcissistic, borderline and histrionic partners.
I don’t how they’d take care of themselves. What would they do without me? I’d feel guilty if I left what if something happens to them god forbid something happens to them or me.
The flip side of guilt is EGO. If you leave an abusive person, they’ll do just fine without you. They’ll probably try to suck you dry financially while lining up their next target to control and abuse. It’s not personal especially if your spouse is BPD, NPD, HPD, ASD and APD.
These neurological biological disorders view others as objects to be used. They’ll simply replace you with another object and do the same damn thing to the next person that enters there life. Guilt is a control device they use to keep you in line.
Other hooks include shame , failing or not being strong enough , loss of status , being perceived as a nice or good person loss or vulnerability , perfectionism and your own need to control others, situations and outcomes.

Learn to control your body language. Your body language and facial expressions can betray what you’re feeling and thinking on the inside without you saying a word. Your friend or family member could covert and overt attacks are designed to elicit a reaction, you need to learn how not to give them the reaction they are seeking bad attention is better then no attention.
Lower your expectations. Ordinarily, people expect the best from others to create a positive self-fulfilling prophecy , and i can be guilty of of coming as if i have high expectations to others but i honestly don't ask a lot from a friend or family member i just hope that others would give me the same loyalty , honesty , and respect but that's just not the case i have always said you get what you give , and its give and take and treat others as you would want to be treated and treat others the way they treat you However, expecting the best from an abusive person will result in you feeling broadsided, perpetually disappointed and hurt most of the time.
For all their crocodile tears and hyper-sensitivity, abusive narcissistic, borderline, histrionic and sociopathic people are emotional predators and bullies. If you stay in the relationship, the best you can expect is more of the same. You may achieve some periods of peace and you have to remember, they say they are not responsible for their behavior you’re responsible for their behavior and your behavior and all the other problems in the universe , and maintain your boundaries you are only responsible for your own actions , choices , and behavior no one else's its always easier to blame someone else and point the finger at the other person when in reality its the abuser using manipulation.
Happiness reflects the difference between what you expect versus what you actually get in life so if you keep expecting good things to happen, but they never do or take a turn for the worse, you will suffer constant unhappiness , Your friend and family member is abusive. They probably have significant characterological pathology and are unlikely to change. Therefore, keep your expectations for their behavior low, but continue to believe that you will be okay once you remove yourself from the situation and stop giving them the power to hurt you.
Do something that removes you from the abuse and centers you. Meditate or whatever your version of meditation is reading, walking , painting , music anything that’s restorative. Find pockets of sanity and safety with friends and family or physical spaces like your office, the gym, the pub or social/professional organizations. Find activities that will take you out of the line of fire and minimize your exposure to them and their abuse. Find a hobby or activity that makes you feel good about yourself and restores your confidence and esteem. Ignore them when they become jealous or puts down these new activities and friendships. They do so because they see them as threats to their control.
See the big picture and don’t get distracted by their minutiae. The ultimate goal is to not let their abusive behavior effect you anymore and to end the relationship. Expect them to hit even harder emotionally and physically when you stop reacting to their tried and true button pushing , them triggering and provoking you It seems counterintuitive, but if they become nastier in response to you setting boundaries and detaching, it means your new behavioral strategies are working because they are fighting harder to retain their control. By detaching, you’re taking back the power that you unwittingly ceded to them.
These new behaviors will take time for you to learn and perfect. It takes a while to develop indifference. It runs counter to our fundamental beliefs about love and relationships. However, if you’re in a relationship with someone whether it be a friend or family member who verbally and or physically attacks you, devalues you, makes you feel less than and who raises themselves up at your expense, you must learn how to make yourself less vulnerable and eventually immune to them. Abusive neurological/biological disorders have no soul and they will destroy your soul if you let them.
I was reading this article , and wanted to share it here on my blog and add some of my own input on emotional detachment , and it can be with a friend , family member , and the list goes on but recently i have been experiencing this with a friend , and a family member i thought was family , and this really opened up my eyes , and made me realize a lot and acknowledge a lot things i wasn't seeing , and was blind to it its always good to read about these types of things , and realize its not your fault , and that you are only responsible for your actions , choices , and decisions , and behavior some times when we care so much about a person we miss the signs and red flags , and its hard when you are filled with guilt and they made you feel like a burden no one is perfect everyone makes mistakes but when its a pattern of behavior , and this person doesn't care how there actions , choices , decisions , and behavior is affecting you mentally emotionally , and physically its time to make a change because in most cases these types of people don't change and dont want to change , and you can't change what you dont acknowledge , and some people its just who they are.

Abuse comes in many different forms

I came across a few articles and wanted to share some the information shared on the articles :

Abuse is defined as an act of controlling the thinking and behavior of another person. Abuse is displaying power over another usually to get something from that person. Abuse can be narrowed down to mistreating another.

The Abuser

The abuser is usually not a stranger. The abuser is a person who is trusted. In the case of older people being abused, the abuser is usually a relative or caregiver that the abused depends on for his well being.
Various Types of Abuse
Whenever the word abuse comes up, the first thing people think about is physical abuse or domestic violence. However, there are many forms of abuse. There are support groups and help for domestic violence, while people affected by the other forms of abuse often suffer in silence.

Physical Abuse

Physical abuse is the use of physical force upon another that causes bodily injury, pain, or impairment.
Physical abuse is the type of abuse that gets the most attention because it leaves evidence. The evidence could show up in a swollen eye, a broken nose or a split lip. There is proof that some physical abuse has taken place.
Physical abuse can go on for years. It might start out with pushing, slapping, kicking, and throwing things at a person. Then it graduates to punching, shaking and choking. If physical abuse is not stopped in time, it could very well result in murder.

Mental, Emotional, and Psychological Abuse

Emotional or psychological abuse is the act of using words, tone, action or lack of action to control, hurt or demean another.
Usually. emotional abuse involves ridicule, intimidation, and putting another person down.
No physical touching takes place in emotional abuse, but the abused person is still hurt.
Emotional or psychological abuse may result in anxiety, depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder.

Verbal Abuse

Verbal abuse is simply the use of strong language to talk down to or intimidate someone or make fun of or hurt one’s feelings. This is doubly painful when done in front of others.
Verbal abuse is similar to emotional abuse because the results are the same. However, the methods are different in that only words are used when there is verbal abuse.
Words and other acts are present in emotional and psychological abuse.

Financial and Economic Abuse

Economic and financial abuse are linked together because both types of abuse involve the misuse of someone else's financial resources without the person's permission. These types of abuse are usually about the elderly when the caregiver handles the finances. The caregiver might skim on buying what the person needs just so money will be left over for him or her.
Since the caregiver is in charge of the person's money and property, it is easy for there to be a case of economic and financial abuse.

Identity Abuse

Identity abuse is associated with verbal abuse. While anything can be said to a person to verbally abuse him, identity abuse is limited to only character assassination. Identity abuse is when a husband keeps reminding his overweight wife how bad she looks. In an argument, a wife could remind her husband how he getting a bald head. Anytime a personal characteristic or flaw is used to demean, manipulate and control another, it is identity abuse.

Spiritual Abuse

Spiritual abuse is the last thing one would think to be on the list of abuses. However, one could have a hold on another person so forcibly that it affects the spiritual well-being of that person. Spiritual abuse is using the victim’s spiritual beliefs to manipulate him

Serious Case of Mental Abuse

A husband taunted his wife to the point that she would have chosen physical abuse over what he did to her emotionally. He wrote derogatory notes to her. The husband criticized her and told her she was no good and he wished he hadn't married her and he would never love her. He put the notes in places where she would find them throughout the day.
After a serious argument, the woman found at least a dozen notes around the house. Some of them were in places where they could be clearly seen such as on the bathroom mirror and on the refrigerator door. She found another one in the silverware drawer when she went to set the dinner table.
The wife thought she had found all the notes, but when she went to bed that night she heard a rustling sound as soon as she laid her head on the pillow. There was a note inside the pillow case. This note was the worst of all. The husband lying in bed beside her had written, "Try to stay on your side of the bed. You don't deserve to touch me, and surely, I won't be touching you!"
Mental, emotional and psychological abuse had taken place without the man ever laying a hand on the woman or without him saying anything verbally
Withholding
Withholding is primarily manifested as a withholding of information and a failure to share thoughts and feelings. A person who withholds information refuses to engage with his or her partner in a healthy relationship. He or she does not share feelings or thoughts. When he or she does share anything, it is purely factual or functional information of the sort their partner could have looked up online, read on his or her facebook wall, or figured out on their own. Examples of withholding communication that fail to engage the partner include: “The car is almost out of gas"; “The keys are on the table"; and The show is on now.
Countering
Countering is a tendency to be argumentative not merely in political, philosophical, or scientific contexts but in ordinary contexts as well. The victim of the abuse may share her positive feelings about a movie she just saw, and the abuser may then attempt to convince her that her feelings are wrong. This is countering, or dismissing the victim’s feelings, thoughts, and experiences on a regular basis.
Discounting
Discounting is an attempt to deny that the victim of the abuse has any right to his or her thoughts or feelings. It may come out as criticism but criticism of a particular kind. The abuser may tell the victim on a regular basis that he or she is too sensitive, too childish, has no sense of humor , or tends to make a big deal out of nothing. The abuser thereby denies the victim’s inner reality, indirectly telling a partner that how they feel and what they experience are wrong.
 Verbal abuse disguised as jokes
The abuser may say something very upsetting to the victim of the abuse and, after seeing her reaction add, It was just a joke! Abuse is not OK in any form; jokes that hurt are abusive.
Blocking and diverting
Blocking and diverting is a form of withholding in which the abuser decides which topics are good conversation topics. An abuser practicing this form of abuse may tell the victim that she is talking out of turn or is complaining too much.
Accusing and blaming
In these forms of abuse the abuser will accuse the victim of things that are outside of his or her control. He or she might accuse a partner of preventing them from getting a promotion because the partner is overweight, or ruining his or her reputation because the partner dropped out of college.
Judging and criticizing
Judging and criticizing is similar to accusing and blaming but also involves a negative evaluation of the partner. As Evans points out, Most you statements are judgmental, critical, and abusive. Some abusive judging and criticizing you statements are: You are never satisfied You always find something to be upset about and No one likes you because you are so negative."
Trivializing
Trivializing is a form of verbal abuse that makes most things the victim of the abuse does or wants to do seem insignificant. The abuser might undermine his or her work, style of dressing, or choice of food.
Undermining
Undermining is similar to trivializing, which consists of undermining everything the victim says or suggests, or making her question herself and her own opinions and interests.
Threatening
Threatening is a common form of verbal abuse and can be very explicit, such as, If you don’t start doing what I say, I will leave you. Or it can be more subtle, such as, If you don’t follow my advice, others will find out that you are a very unreliable person.
Name calling
Name calling can be explicit or subtle. Explicit name calling can consist in calling the victim of the abuse a bitch or other hurtful words. But it can also be more subtle, such as when someone says things that are implicitly hurtful, for instance, “You are such a victim, or You think you are so precious don’t you?”
Forgetting
The category of forgetting covers a range of issues ranging from forgetting a promise to forgetting a date or an appointment. Even if the abuser really forgot, it is still abuse, because he ought to have made an effort to remember.
Ordering
Any form of ordering or demanding is a form of verbal abuse. It falls under the general issue of control. 
Denial
Denial is abusive when it consists of denying one's bad behavior and failing to realize the consequences of this behavior. An abuser will always try to find a way to justify and rationalize his behavior. This is a way of denying that he has done anything wrong.
Abusive anger
Any form of yelling and screaming, particularly out of context. Even yelling Shut up! is abusive. No one deserves to be yelled at.